You cut your hair!?! (and other subjects)

Yes. I cut my hair.

It's been over a month now, yet people who knew of my glorious curls are still acting incredulously when faced with this harsh reality. People have asked me how it feels now, I believe I've finally managed to sum it up this afternoon by referring to it as a sort of "second circumcision". Granted the analogy didn't quite make it's point because the person I was directing it at was a young woman; but it's validity stands true nonetheless.

I can't pretend that I really want to speak about my hair. This post is really about feeling ashamed that I have let my blog go. I could go on trying to justify why I did and apologising to all 4 of my readers, but I doubt they're fucked and it's a good thing too, because neither am I.

My exams start on Saturday and preparation isn't one of my strong points. In fact, the only thing weaker than my ability to prepare is my ability to fly unaided by modern technology. I'm sure I'll be able to figure shit out as I go along though, I tend to do that. I'm also sure that I'll be updating my blog every now and then during the exams due to an overflow of frustration; which, last time I checked, was the main fuel behind most of these posts.

Until then you can look forward to the same nothing you've been seeing during February, March and most of April. OH! Speaking of April, I turned 19 on the 9th. Yay me.

Anyway!

Good night the interwebz.

Verbal Taboos

[My just posted blog has reminded me that I have an essay I'd like to share. It's about swearing. I know how you young people are into that sort of thing.]

Verbal Taboos

After years and years of browsing and, to a certain extent, studying comedy, particularly British and Irish comedy, I've been exposed to quite an amount of these so-called 'verbal taboos'. I'm going to split them into three main categories: blasphemy, obscenity, and double entendre.

Blasphemy by definition is either "the act of insulting or showing contempt or lack of reverence for God" or "the act of claiming the attributes of deity". Considering the increasing godlessness of the world, however, this is becoming less of a problem. Of course, the extremist Muslim population and the extreme Christian populations in Republican America still punish it very drastically; sometimes even with fatal results. I feel justified in mentioning these two exclusive groups of religious fanatics because of events which, despite all the claimed progress of our world, amazingly, show that these breeches of freedom of speech are a regular occurrence. It is impossible to broadcast any image of Muhammed without some sort of global controversy, the worst of all ending in mass murder. Anything from a mention of a joke on a satirical American cartoon to an innocent drawing on a Danish newspaper. Jihad is the buzzword of the times and prejudice against anyone who looks remotely Muslim is now taken for granted. On the other side of the spectrum, can anyone watch the atrocity that is 'Jesus Camp' and not feel like your own personal Jihad? My point is that blasphemy is only a real taboo to very religious people and, luckily, only punished in the aforementioned communities. In Malta, we relish blasphemy. It is everyone's favourite pastime, so much so that this generation doesn't take it seriously any more. The older ones who might consider themselves religious might frown upon us, but they're the ones who passed it down to us anyway. What our generation does swear by, however, is obscenity.

My God do we enjoy it! I can't imagine any part of the anatomy which hasn't turned into a perverse expression of frustration. Anything from mentioning appendages and orifices and what they're explicitly used for. In English, Scottish and Irish comedy, obscenity in itself is only limited to a handful of particular words. When coupled with a few real social taboos though, they effectively delve into the dark confines of the obscene. Topics like death, necrophilia, bestiality, abortion, pedophilia; nothing is safe from the obscene. A joke which got one of my favourite comedians into serious trouble was about disability and national heroes. Jimmy Carr said, "The number of soldiers coming back from Iraq with missing limbs is just appalling ... At least we're going to have a bloody brilliant Paralympic team in 2012." He said this during his comedy tour and was a subject of national controversy to the point of being kicked off his BBC contract. My problem with this is that he said it during his show which is known to be very dark, why would anyone pay to go and then complain? He has also spent months volunteering at military hospitals and the soldiers themselves laughed heartily at his jokes at their expense. Another memorable joke that bridges the gap between patriotism, obscenity and double entendre is by Frankie Boyle. He made fun of an Olympic gold medal winning swimmer by saying that she is "so ugly she looks like someone's reflection in the back of a spoon. At least she can hold her breath for a long time."

Which brings me to my last topic: 'double entendre'. What Boyle did at the end of the joke is point out something that would be literally obvious. She's an Olympic swimmer, therefore she is able to hold her breath. This way, seemingly innocent words and phrases can have double connotations, usually perverted ones. He was making the implication that she makes up for being less than physically attractive by performing brilliantly when it comes to oral sex. Of course, not all double entendre is so complex. It can be as simple as referring to your testicles as balls, nuts, plums, man-muffin, potato bag, sperm bank, Shetland ponies, hot wheels, grapefruits, boys, and many others. Some can even refer to their genitals affectionately by name, common male names including 'Peter' and 'John'. the penis name 'John' is responsible for condoms also being called 'Johnnies'. Generally, double entendre can be seen as a taboo version of euphemism. While euphemism can be innocent and even used to cover up a harsher truth, such as saying someone's 'passed on' instead of 'died'; double entendre has no greater purpose. It is there to be perverse and to make perverts laugh. It has no saving grace. It is the scum of all word play.

From now on, while speaking, we should all take into consideration that anyone with a dirty mind might confuse you for a fellow pervert. Be careful when mentioning potato sacks and mayonnaise; do not make any Jesus or Muhammed jokes anywhere, just to be safe; and definitely stay away from anyone's genitals.

[I wonder how penalised I'm going to be for this one.]

Facebook?

I've deactivated my Facebook account.

It's sad that, in today's world, Facebook almost dictates how most of us live our life. I know that most of the readers will say, "Not me!", but think about it. Something happens, you write a status about it. Any memorable event probably has pictures which you will inadvertently be tagged in if not post them yourself. Videos? Ditto. Have anything on your mind? Why not write a note about it and post it on Facebook? (Anyone see the irony in that last one?)

At which point has our virtual existence ceased to be virtual enough that we have replaced our lives and friends with hours upon hours of this mindless, usually malfunctioning social-networking site and its so-called "friends". I've seen profiles of people with over 2000 friends. Honestly? 2000 people you call friends? How healthy and safe is that when you have no idea who half of them are? When this point is raised, people tend to say "Well that's what privacy settings are for!" What's the point of having 2000 friends of they can't see anything in your profile? Kind of defeats the purpose of being "social", as the new meaning of the word implies.

Whatever happened to real society, as opposed to a virtual one? Why is it so much easier to interact with someone over the internet? Because we aren't afraid of judgement. We can easily block and delete someone from a website but we can never really delete someone from our lives. We feel brave when we're sitting behind a computer screen. Bravery which is inspired by, if not anonymity, distance.

Why did I just deactivate my Facebook profile? I realised I didn't need it. I meet my friends, even if sporadically. I know who they are. I know who I'm in a relationship with and I know when I'm single. I know what I'm thinking and if I wanted to tell someone about it, I could go on Skype and do it, I can call them, I can text them and ... wonder of wonders, I can actually ... meet them? WOAH! Interaction? In person! Can I really handle that?

This is the 4th time I've deactivated my account and I have one hell of an addictive personality. I wonder how long I'll last this time.

Good evening, the interwebz.

[Update: I noticed that I knew many people from all over Europe and have a few very close people to me living abroad whom I only contact through Facebook. My lovely revolution was fucked within 4 days. Damn me and my need for closeness!]

"Christmas has lost its true meaning."

[Oh look, another essay.]

"Christmas has lost its true meaning." Discuss.

Where has the deeply religious aspect of Christmas gone? How has it been almost entirely replace by a fat hairy man who single-handedly represents capitalism?

Christmas as a feast is meant to celebrate the birth of Jesus, or Christ. The day itself was actually chosen to be the 25th of December by Pope Julius I in 336 AD. The reason most probably being that it is nine months after the feast of the Annunciation; in which Christianity celebrated the news that was given to Mary by the archangel Gabriel. According to the best information and research done however, Jesus' real birthday was found to be the 14th May in 6 BC. How many members of the general public know any of this as the reason why they all look forward to the season?

My point is that people have no idea what the day really means, let alone what they're actually celebrating. They are all preoccupied with frantically looking for gifts and how to decorate their house to compete with their neighbours' without sparing half a thought to purchase and decorate some sort of crib. You can forget charity if it's not to do with "Istrina" in Malta. I am not in any was criticising Catholicism and its faith, I am, however, criticising and wholly blaming the self-proclaimed "practising" Catholics who conveniently forget their faith on the second most important day to it.

What of Christmas' real world-wide mascot? Here's a little history about the symbol replacing Christ with materialism. Christmas was first personified as "lord Sire Christemas" in an English carol which was found as an anonymous manuscript dating back to 1458 AD. Another carol of the same era which is attributed to Richard Smert also uses the same name to personify the feast. The large, jolly man as we know him today in his red and white garments was actually created by a German-born American caricaturist. His name is Thomas Nast and until his drawing in 1863, Santa was depicted as a long, thin man, usually in green. So can we say that the world has chosen this cartoon figure over Jesus? Considering all the legends and myths surrounding the persona, I say yes. He seems to be some sort of incentive for children to be good lest they want to get coal for Christmas.

I do half expect Christmas to be, if not done away with entirely, very heavily modified in about a century. Perhaps the story of Christ will also be dismissed as just another children's story, just like the fat, bearded man. Perhaps I should also start referring to the day as Xmas, that is the politically correct way nowadays anyway.

[Just in case you wanted a column-esque history lesson about Christmas.]

Deck the halls with booze and trinkets.

Fa la la la la la la - Fuck. Off.

This is what my usual Christmas spirit is like. This year, however, I was a little more optimistic seeing as this big lug has finally found someone to spend Christmas with, rather than wallowing over the last relationship which ended just before December as in both the previous two years.

I'm just going to say that I'm thankful for all the little things I should be thankful for and all the people which made this year so much better. Including, of course, the people who will continue to make the season special up until the new year. A new year which is very highly anticipated.

I hope you've had a brilliant time and will continue to do so in the coming few days, good interwebz.

Original Sin

[I've never written an essay like this before and I actually like how it came out, even if I don't necessarily think the quality is very high. Enjoy.]

Original Sin

"But how can we be born with it?" asked Owen. "We didn't do anything wrong!"

"We are cleansed of the original sin when we are baptized, Owen. If you live your life in Jesus' footsteps and follow his teaching, you will meet him in heaven after you leave this life." replied Fr. Patrick notably frustrated.

It wasn't the first time that Owen had questioned his teachers, even at the young age of 6. He would often be punished for insolence during his daily religion lessons, which wasn't surprising considering he went to a Church school renowned for its strictness. He pressed on, however, his inquisitive nature disallowing him from simply accepting all he was told, like all his classmates did. There was one particular thing he could never accept though, the original sin. How could God who is a supposedly merciful and loving creator curse humanity with pre-existential sin?

"Why do you believe everything written in the Bible?" Owen once dared to ask the ancient Fr. Patrick one day when he was 10. This got him the most severe caning he had ever endured. From that day on, Owen swore to never stop asking questions and that he would find out why.

"What of all the children born in non-Christian communities?" he would ask in his late teens during his High School religion lectures. He was made fun of by his peers for having religion as an advanced subject and he couldn't bring himself to make friends within his course because he hated them all for sitting there and accepting everything. Couldn't they think for themselves? How could they just sit there and be insulted? Why didn't they ever ask any questions? As far as he was concerned, they were all being told that they were born sinners and the only way to salvation is blind faith in a glorified and uncommunicative magician who everyone is afraid of. So afraid that they answer children's prying questions with corporal punishment.

He became a professor of theology. His lectures in the small University in which he taught were suffering from worse attendance every semester. He became more fixated with the concept of the original and unavoidable sin as time passed, which greatly contributed to the aforementioned attendance problem. With all his available resources and research, he couldn't understand why humanity subjects itself to religion in general, but Catholicism remained his main focus. It got to the point where his remaining students complained to the Dean about his irregular lectures; his rambling during said lectures; and the fact that they could never finish the syllabus because all he would really talk about was the Genesis. He was completely obsessed.

His last lecture was by far his most memorable, so much so that it had been transcribed word for word: "It's clear to me now, I finally understand. I am no longer a non-believer for, through my studies, I have been converted. I know now why God created us; why we all must believe in Him blindly and why we have to fear Him.

"I asked one question too many yesterday evening while praying for the first time in over 30 years." Here a single tear ran down his cheek as he spoke to his 4 remaining students.

"I asked Him why He created us and He told me that He was lonely. I asked Him why He makes us suffer constantly, He told me that it was because He was jealous of our love and friendships. I asked Him why He decided to talk to me now, and He told me it was because He knew I had no hope left. Finally, I asked Him why we are born into sin and why we must always fear Him and repent for everything which He tells us is wrong." At this he abruptly left the class.

His suicide note was found nailed to the crucifix which he was nailed to himself. All it said was, "Now I know." He lived alone in his apartment with no real friends or family to speak of. Nobody has managed to explain how he crucified himself, but nobody is willing to ask too many questions about it either.

[Judge me.]

Over-thinking?

"Is music a language? What defines a language? Syntax and semantics do apply to music. The syntax is in the rhythm which can be erratic as well as completely steady. Semantics lie in the notes and the names they have been given. It has its own alphabet, its own tonal qualities. Every country has its own musical dialect and songs can be in any spoken language. Perhaps the only real global language is music."

This is what I wrote down in the notes application of my phone at 1am a day or two back. I left my laptop to go to bed wide awake because I was driving myself mad. How? I was thinking. To be more specific, I was thinking too much.

I've noticed myself over-analysing everything recently. How people act; what they say; how they say it; what they really mean by it. I then dissect what they say and try and figure out whether the derivations of the particular words or phrases used were literal, metaphoric, or lost in translation over the ages. I try and pick out the particular tonal qualities possibly picking up on the hints of a dialect or an accent.

I don't really mind being analytical about life and behaviour, but I'm afraid that it will interfere with my daily life. In some cases, it already has. It's not the first time that I've been called out because it seems like I'm trying to be superior by pointing out the flaws in what someone is saying. In reality I'll be thinking aloud and they will take my stream of thoughts as calculated insult, when it will merely be observation. Up until recently I was simply passing them off as an apology or a joke whereas in reality, it was always involuntary.

What seems like a rush for superiority or some sort of mental conditioning to develop quicker wit is actually just me trying to dissect everything. I would apologise to everyone who's ever taken offence to something I've thought aloud about, but I don't have 25 years to spare. I'll be shot in 10 anyway.

Until my next rambling,

Goodnight the interwebz