Success

I don't want to write about Marriage, Self-Esteem or Breakups so I'll write a mediocre at best post about arguably the most boring suggestion -no offence to the person who suggested it- Success. Oh and before I start, can the people suggesting things as "Anon" please put a name or anything that I can refer to since I actually like talking to people, not anonymous speakers. You all have an identity, use it.

So let's start by splitting success into two separate sub-genres. Monetary success and social success. Professional success is usually aimed at the former, however one cannot have proper money if they are not well-known so one can easily conclude that the two are very strongly related.

The problem with success in itself, whether monetary or social, is that the greedy nature of man will make them hungry for it. A successful man will always strive for even more success. this is not a bad thing by any means until it is taken over by the greed and the whole "end justifies the means" mentality crops up. I come from a family of intellectuals and professionals in many fields like law, medicine, business, etc. Some of them work for the joy of the work and success simply follows because they are good at what they do; others are money-hungry pricks.

This is the reason why most people say that you can either have a professional life or a social life. Work can take over every aspect of your life and if you aren't careful, it will very easily. The other vice is when your social life itself becomes dependent on your work life. Your friends are all workmates or competitors in the same field which are trying to beat you at something anyway. One must find a careful balance.

What do I know about success though? I have just recovered from my lull in school productivity after about 7 years of failing constantly. That's not what I would call success, that's just a personal victory. Yay me.

I could go into the ethical issues about success and whatnot, but I would just bore you to shit and you don't want that. That's what you get when you ask a 19 year old to write about success.

Good morning, the interwebz.

Jealousy/Envy

The two most human of traits that are different yet work together to make someone an arsehole. I've actually often explained these two to my students so this is going to be fun for me. Sort of like a revision of sorts.

Envy isn't really that bad within itself. It just makes you want what you don't have when others have it instead. I think a little envy isn't so bad. It makes you strive to be better, even if for the wrong reasons. Say you get a 55 in an important exam and that dick you can't stand gets an 80, you will be envious of his mark and hopefully try hard to actually get better. That is a very simplistic and student-induced example. The negative side of this is pretty much what Steve Jobs was going for. He makes people buy pretty things that cost money, and then other people see them and realise that they don't have them. They get envious and they buy the same and better all in the name of envy. Capitalism pretty much thrives on this so-called "deadly sin".

Jealousy is the bad one. It's the destructive one. The one that rears its head in many relationships and ends up crushing most. The one that we have to warn our kids about. Geddit? Jealousy is inherently not having something yourself so you destroy anyone else's. Let me explain. Imagine I have a better phone than you and you get jealous. You won't give a shit about having it yourself, you just don't want me to have it any more. Quite a little bitch this one. In a relationship it takes on a whole new meaning with its bared, gnashing teeth and animalistic growling. Let's say a jealous girlfriend sees her boyfriend talking to the attractive girl she hates because she's already envious of her (but more on the fusion of them later). She will act in such a way that will make the boyfriend regret and want to forget the friendship with the former girl. Jealous guys are worse, however. Jealous guys can and will resort to violence. I know because at one point I was warped into a jealous cunt and I had actually resorted to threats and violence at points before I realised what I was doing and thankfully ended the whole nonsensical fiasco.

How do they go hand in hand? Easy. Envy will feed jealousy or vice versa according to circumstance. Imagine the boy/girl scenario again. The girlfriend has always looked at a particular other girl and wanted what she had. Maybe nicer tits, maybe a tighter arse, you name it and a girl's insecurities will have picked up on it already. If the poor boyfriend is even seen near the enviable girl, his testes are in proper danger. The girlfriend's envy will fuel the worse kind of jealousy.

What I have realised through my few years of life and experience is that girls are probably more riddled with envy while guys are very prone to jealousy. It is no secret that most women suffer from low self-esteem and image issues so it takes no genius to make the obvious link. Men, on the other hand, are proud and full of that hideous thing commonly referred to as machismo. They don't care about wanting what the others have, they just want to be top dog. They will destroy anyone and anything in their path, if needs be. Girlfriend getting attention from another guy? Regardless of whether they are good-looking or ugly as hell, they will want to kill him.

This post is riddled with stereotypical assumptions and sweeping statements, of course. I could be all wrong about them, but I don't think I am. Stereotypes have to come from somewhere right?

Good morning, the interwebz

[oh and cheers for the comments and suggestions, keep them coming.]

"Loneliness" - Anon

Speaking as someone who knows what it means to be lonely, I can honestly say that most cases of loneliness are down to misunderstanding or stubbornness. Real loneliness is a result of someone's reluctance to realise that they can always ask for help, or their pride disallowing them from asking.

Personally I fall under the latter. Unless someone is literally locked in a room completely cut off from the world, there is nothing and nobody but themselves perpetuating the loneliness many claim to be feeling. The simple fact that we can tell someone that we are feeling lonely is already better than someone who is actually lonely. You know what I think is real loneliness? A little boy who is waiting for death in a hut in a war-stricken village in the 3rd world. That is the real loneliness, when we have nobody at all to turn to. That is my one true fear; ending up like that. Oh and moths. I hate moths.

Most people at one point or another feel "lonely" but, in reality, it's really their pride that keeps them that way. It is through my personal experience that I can confidently say there is always someone willing to listen. Even complete strangers will be willing to listen if they see that you are totally in need of company. Humans have something called compassion. Granted not all people show it, but it is within our nature to want to nurture and feel important. How much more important can one person feel than when he helps someone in need? I understand that I might have a warped view of humanity to most people of the general public, but I like to consider myself a realist. I have been fortunate in life to have been the one in need and to have helped many others in need myself.

One must also notice that there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I enjoy being alone a lot, it gives me time to think. I have done most of my personal growth though self-reflection and that can never be done with anyone else. Sometimes someone needs to be alone just to have no distractions. However I know that I am also fortunate enough to be able to speak to people at any point. I have many friends that I know will listen if I want to talk. I also have a brilliant partner who I know I can trust and is always ready and insistent on helping, just as I am ready and insistent on protecting her. I am at a point in life where, despite my many snags, I am happy. My whole "lonely" point in life has been reduced to me realising I was just too fucking proud to ask for help.

I don't mean to be particularly harsh, but people need to get over themselves and just ask for help sometimes. Others it is healthy to be alone and they just need to learn to take care of themselves as well. When it comes to loneliness itself, those are the two main fronts from which one must address it. Self-reflection and a solid friendship with at least one person. Tough love is something I do.

Good afternoon, the interwebz.

[By the way, I am grateful to Anon for all the suggestions but I would like it if anyone else tried too. Keep them coming and so will I ... That sounds wrong.]

“The First Time” – Anon (I see a pattern emerging)

I knew someone would ask me to write about this, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. For my second request post to be about my first time really says a lot about my audience. Curious, prying fuckers the lot of you!

So I’ll get right into it and say that my first time was exciting, but at the same time it finished quickly and wasn’t really that good on the whole. It was a lot of fumbling around and trying to figure out what the fuck I was doing but it was ok because I wasn’t alone. I took solace in the knowledge that I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t done it before. Companionship and closeness were the main reasons for it at all in the end. I would have never had the confidence if we weren’t that close already.

It wasn’t just the first time that was a little bit of a cock up, but it was the first few at least. I can compare every time I embarked on the process in the beginning to an Eminem song. “Palms are sweaty. Knees weak, arms are heavy. There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti.” Ok maybe not so drastic, but nerves pretty much occupied my entire body the entire time. Fear of judgement and disapproval reigned.

There was a lot of closeness involved and we were thinking about keeping it completely private but people found out about it relatively quickly. It ended up being the talk of the school and some were even saying that we were trying too hard and we were just doing it to show off. That we had no real reason to do it and we were being idiots about it. We disagreed.

We loved it. We did it often and I’m glad to say that now the experiences I had back then have served me very well. I do feel that I’ve gotten a lot better at it and the sheer amount of compliments and attention I get regularly are proof of that. I feel honoured that I could share it with so many people over the few years that I’ve been active and I don’t intend to stop doing it any time soon.

Ah yes, I do look back with many fond memories at my first blog. Wait ... What did you think I was writing about? What!? Get your minds out of the gutter! You didn’t really think I was going to talk about my sex life, did you?

Until next time, the interwebz.

[Again comment and give suggestions]

"Parents" - Anon

So the first suggestion I got was simply that one in the title. Might I compliment Mr/Mrs Anon for their elaborate nature. May you write many a novel.

Now this is a touchy subject for many. Parents could make your life a supposed living hell. Most teenagers end up wanting to kill themselves or their parents -hyperbolically speaking- simply because they are trying to pull away into independence while their parents are trying desperately to adjust to the hormones. When I was a teenager I would often voice my frustrations by telling my peers that my parents did not want the best for me, they wanted the best according to what they wrongly assume was the best. I understand now that I was a huge brat at points and I deserved most of what I got anyway. When the child tries to pull away, the natural maternal and/or paternal instinct will tell them to pull as hard as possible to keep the child from getting away, and I'm sure all will agree that they have plenty of practical examples of this phenomenon in their lives..

I am not a parent myself, but I can imagine what it's like for a parent to see their child, a person that they have raised, try to get away from them. They will say things like, "It feels like it was only yesterday that I could hold you in one hand!" as they see the brat walking 50 feet in front or behind them. They feel cheated because they did spend a large chunk of their lives devoted simply to keeping you alive and healthy, for the most part. This is, of course, assuming that they are good parents. There is no worse feeling for a child then to realise later on in his life that he has shit parents. Up until the age of 10 it is difficult for them to comprehend that their parents do anything wrong, let alone raised them badly. This is where childhood nightmares and trauma comes in. A recurring nightmare is a sign of persistent stress and where could the child be getting such stress if not at school? Their family but most notably their parents.

To a young child, parents signify who they must emulate. They are the people that the child wants to please in every way. There is nothing better than a "Well done!" or an "I'm proud of you!" in the eyes of any offspring, not just children. Unfortunately I think that most parents probably do not focus on what's right and tend to obsess on what's wrong and what needs to change. The problem with this is that the younger generation might start to feel like they are inadequate. One might say that I'm being overly sensitive, but am I? Really? Children are always listening. They are always attentive. They absorb everything. Proof of this is how a 7 year old English boy can come to Malta to visit relatives for a week and go back home knowing significantly more than a handful of Maltese words and phrases. If a child sees his parents fighting, they will absorb negativity. If the parents are happy, the child will be happy. The feelings that any person will absorb in childhood will be carried on throughout their life whether subconsciously or otherwise.

Do me a favour and if anyone here is a parent or is tempted to become one, please be careful how you act. I'm not saying that parents have to cater to their child's every whim, I'm saying that sometimes parents tend to forget just how much of an influence they have on the children themselves.

I hope that this post satisfied whoever asked me for it. If you want to ask specific questions and whatnot, I will gladly answer them either in a comment if they are simple or in a further post if I think they deserve elaboration.

Feel free to comment and suggest anything, the interwebz. Good afternoon.

HELLO!

I do not want to sound like a stereotypical blogger who is self-obsessed and loves attention -as true as that may be- however, I would love it if you leave me some feedback. I would love to see some comments on posts and I will reply to all of them.

I would also like you to give me some ideas to help write further posts, providing you like to read what I write. It would help me gather inspiration and drive me to write more and it will also give you some pleasant giggles along the way as I pound on this jizz-stained keyboard. Yes, I made a sperm joke. Judge me.

The whole point of this short post is to reach out so imagine a proverbial hand-shake in the form of this post.

I look forward to hearing from you, the interwebz.

[The only reason why I'm even asking for this is because this last week 3 people, 2 of which I didn't even know read my blog, commented on how they're enjoying the new frequency of my posts. I'd like to keep it up.]

Something Ms Monroe said about not handling you at your worst, therefore not deserving you at your best.

I don't think I've ever written about the subject of relationships properly for two main reasons. The first being it's an overused topic and the second, I tried to post a video about it once and it turned into a subject of ridicule. However, in light of recent events, bear with me while I write.

I will spare you all the personal details because I know the real readers of this blog just read it for the occasional jokes. Bottom line: relationships are difficult. WOAH! Yes, they are difficult to engage in, they are even more difficult to maintain. It takes a lot of time, patience, effort and careful planning to have a real relationship and, unfortunately, I'm lacking in all of those qualities. The one thing I have that I like to think I exude in most things I do, let alone relationships and friendships in general, is passion. I live for love and I don't intend to change that.

You will find that once you embark on a proper serious relationship you will sail past the honeymoon stage before you know it and when the 4 month mark hits, you will have your first series of proper arguments based on things you've noticed in the honeymoon period that piss you off. If you make it through the first series of fights, well done, you're on to the next stage. You can enjoy a buffer period of about a month and a half between the next series of fights.

About 6 months into a relationship the deeper fights start that are disagreements about your personality or other deeper issues. Most relationships can't get past this because people in general are disinclined to compromise when it comes to their own conventions of character. If you make it past these few weeks of heavy arguments, well done. You've now made it further than most relationships and you start to feel like you can't really live without your partner.

At this point you can enjoy a couple months of plain sailing before the real bad shit starts. At a point between 8 months and 1 year you will have the worst arguments you've had so far. The ones that completely define the relationship itself. At this point you and your partner will have started to depend on each other to the point where you actually need each other. If you break up at this point or later, good luck coping. I know I would probably be driven insane.

What I'm trying to say is that nobody should take relationships lightly and if you do, good luck keeping one. I used to take them lightly which led to a series of mistakes and failed unities. I count myself very fortunate that I do have a relationship at all, let alone the fact that I feel fully invested in it, even if it feels like an uphill struggle in a hurricane with no legs and a rusty wheelchair at points.

In the end, it wouldn't really be worth it if it was that easy after over a year. What really makes it worthwhile is that we're still here after all the shit, even if marginally at points. My relationship itself did not really conform to any of the stereotypical timelines, but I did say that I was going to spare the personal details.

I love you and I'm sorry for all I've put you through.

Good morning, the interwebz.

My nipples can ... what?

So it seems that frigid times have finally hit my humble island. Well, I hope they have. If you don't know how the weather here is then the word to describe it is 'erratic'. I've had students who complained to me telling me that they don't mind if their little holiday to our supposedly sunny island is ruined by a tempest, they just really want to know when the hell the sun and the rain are coming.

I'm beginning to think I am odd. To those who know me, this might strike you as a "well, no shit" moment, but the main reason I'm saying this is because while everyone on campus seems to be hugging themselves in an attempt to keep warm within their layers upon layers of clothing; I'm quite comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. It's not that I don't feel the cold, it's just that I really don't mind it. I might be some kind of superhero! Well it's either that or my mother did hard drugs while I was in the womb.

Today marks a day of firsts. My first full week of lectures at Uni; the first time I took my laptop to Uni; the first time people at Uni start whispering about how I must be a vampire due to my apparent immunity to temperature and my lack of reflection in mirrored surfaces. Bottom line, I'm at University.

No philosophical ending again. Instead I'll leave you with two concluding remarks:

1) Do not try to update your Microsoft Office for free when you are not particularly computer savvy. Your laptop will crash spectacularly and you will spend a couple of hours fixing it. In the end, you will have to restore your laptop and lose the new Office anyway. Idiot.

2) My nipples could cut glass.

Much love, interwebz.