The Passing

I'm going to write my own post instead of a suggestion today. The passing of a family friend recently has got me thinking about grief and mourning. It has reminded me of a year ago when a personal friend of mine who I looked up to passed suddenly at an all too young age.

It's interesting to see how people deal with it when tragedy strikes. Personally I always feel like I should feel more until it hits me and I start bawling my eyes out. In the case of last year I was a proper wreck at the funeral. So much so that people saw the need to comfort me when I wasn't the one that really needed comforting.

Yesterday was the funeral of the family friend and, although I unfortunately couldn't attend -though I really wish I could have- the first thing I asked was about how the family were. I was told that they seemed strong yet calm. I was actually told that it seemed like someone had been forcefully sedated.

I doubt this was really the case but my reply was simply, "Sometimes trauma can be a great sedative." I don't know whether this is true or not, but at the time I felt that it was. Some people lash out and go mad while others seem to struggle with it to the point of seeming like a lost, broken soul.

I think that the closer the pain hits, the stranger people seem to react. Strange to all those who do not understand yet overwhelmingly understandable to those who do, even if not initially. What do you think? How would you react to the passing of a loved one?

My belief is that we should not leave things unsaid. We don't know when this cruel world will snatch up people we care about. Mortality is a bitch.

R.I.P. Tessie Attard

good morning, the interwebz

Oh hai ...

Ok so I apologise for the long hiatus, even though you don't care. I went abroad and took a break from it and I've had a hard time getting back into the writing thing. I'll start the requests again shortly, I hope.

I have quite a few titles ranging from 'Beauty' to 'Politics' to 'Airline Food' so look forward to those. I just need the little drive to write. Perhaps I should watch a couple episodes of Californication again; that always helps.

Basically this post is just to let you know that I'm still moderately alive and I shall be back writing at some point in the future. Tackling personal demons meanwhile might also be a reason why I've taken this forced break.

Until I'm back here, feel free to keep suggesting titles and, more importantly, take it easy.

good afternoon, the interwebz

Friends

The title just looks ... what's the word? Nice. Yes. That's the word I'm going to be using a lot in this post. It's nice.

"Friends are the family you can choose." Someone said that and he was partly right. I find that some of the best friendships just happen coincidentally. My longest friendship of about 15 years just sort of happened because of our families working together and living in close proximity. In fact, I think all of my good friendships just happened coincidentally. How nice.

I don't get how people can over-complicate friendships at time. I don't get how there are people that are literally inseparable just on the basis of having things in common. Girls do this a lot. It's like one doesn't exist without the other. It's nice but impractical. I find that the best friendships usually get a lot of breathing time.

The closest I can get to this personally is with my girlfriend who I'm glad to say I consider my best friend also. I know that's an oxymoron having multiple best friends but it's nice. With her I not only enjoy the constant proximity, yet I sort of encourage it. Who wants to spend their life with someone other than a great friend? I'm nice.

On the other hand, I hark back to the oldest friendship of mine. I sometimes don't see him for months yet when we meet we're our stupid selves again. We know we're friends, we don't need constant contact and proximity to prove or substantiate it. We're nice.

Having friends is nice. I think this was a nice post. Of course it is far from my best, but it's still a nice one. If any of you nice people want to leave me a nice little comment, feel free.

Nice morning, the interwebz

[[10:11:51] Kathleen Vella: Did you tell them I love you?] - This is what the wife said just before I posted this. Isn't she nice?

Eczema

What can one write about this topic?

It is a skin disease. Doctors don't know where it comes from. It burns. There are different types of it, but I don't know enough to write about them. Google is your friend. They diagnose it by looking at you and checking your health history; not at the same time because that would be silly. Apparently a treatment for it is a change in lifestyle and a few medications to stop you itching. There is no real cure for it, but there are many ways to make you feel better once you have it. Again, Google is your friend.

The next page on the lovely medical website I was blissfully browsing is full of pictures of different skin conditions. I did not look at them for it is early in the morning and I don't want to barf up my Red Bull.

Take this post as an opportunity to peruse the rest of the blog and don't suggest stupid shit like this if you want any other proper posts. Dumbasses.

Good morning, the interwebz.

"Anonymity" - Anon

This is something I understand yet, at the same time, don't really get. I'm also going to ignore the irony of asking people who comment to use their names and then getting an Anon asking me to write about "Anonymity".

Anonymity is something that has taken on it's own identity -pun unintended, yet very welcome- at the rise of the internet, specifically forums and comment sections. There are legions of Anons trolling all over the place, but that's not what I'm here to talk about.

The notion of 'anonymity' itself irks me. We all have identities, why squander them? I am a firm believer that every person is an individual and, as such, has the right to develop and show off their identity. Celebrate individuality, and don't hide behind the clichéd mask of the "Anon" label.

Of course, many take comfort in anonymity because when we feel we can't be identified, we tend to be able to act and say things in ways that we would not do out in the open. Hence all the hatred on the aforementioned forums and comment sections. The shit underneath Youtube videos, for example, is simply staggering. I call this false courage.

I refuse to hide behind a mask and, when possible, make it very clear that it is me who is commenting. I comment in my name and, if I need a username, be sure that the profile behind it tells you exactly who I am. This may sound arrogant, but I have an identity and it took me years to hone it, and I am bloody proud of it - scars and all.

I will leave you with a quote from -in my humble opinion- one of the greatest graphic novels/films of all time:

"Who are you?"

"Who? Who is but the form following what ... And what I am is a man in a mask."

"I can see that."

"Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man who he is."

On that note, I realise that it is quite futile of me to expect people hiding behind the "Anon" mask to leave their names at the end of their comments, but I still wish they did.

Good afternoon, the interwebz

[Bonus points to whoever guesses where the quote is from]

Marriage

When I was a ratty teen, I used to be against marriage outright. I used to think that it was just a useless union that only led to the possibility of pain and arguments. That all it was good for was making unfortunate children's lives shit. Then again the only model of marriage I had was my parents'.

When I grew out of my Linkin Park days, I started to mature slightly in opinion but I still wasn't too keen on accepting marriage as a viable option for my future. I used to think that it wasn't necessary. Isn't a relationship still a relationship whether justified by matrimony or not?

Nowadays I still think it is just another step in a relationship. It is not necessary but, then again, most things aren't really necessary, are they? It is a tradition that a couple feel obliged to take after a certain security in a relationship. I'm fine with this. In the end, why not? If you are happy in a relationship, why not consider marriage?

Let's look at this from my warped point of view. You love someone; you've been together for a long time. You know that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Marriage isn't really needed, but it would be quite a sweet gesture, don't you think? Why not call the woman who has kept you happy for as long as you've been together your wife? Plus, what woman doesn't want to be pampered and feel like a princess to that extent? The whole ceremony, the dress, the suits, all the friends and family. Why not, really?

Of course, one should never enter into a marriage as nonchalantly as I'm talking about it. It's all fine to talk about marriage like this except when you're actually considering getting engaged. Don't enter into it like a it's a fad, enter into it knowing that this is the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Then if it all goes cock-up, you'll know you couldn't have helped it.

Final word: marriage is not evil, however it is a pleasant detail. It is not necessary, but why not if you're already happy and you know you want to spend your life with the person? The most important thing is to be able to call your partner your best friend, and you'll be fine.

Good morning/afternoon the interwebz

Self-Esteem

How many times have you heard, "He/she has such low self-esteem!" to explain why someone is useless at something? Pisses me off that a problem has been turned into an excuse that is pretty much used in any situation. Kind of like saying anyone who has mood swings is 'bipolar'. No.

There are certain psychological buzz-words that have become so overused that the people who actually suffer from them end up being a cliché not to be taken seriously. Low self-esteem is usually said to be a common thing among teenagers in general, but specifically teenage girls. I disagree. I think that the search for a comfortable self-image is confusing enough as it is and with peer pressure and other outside factors interfering constantly, it is very easy to confuse the confusion itself for low self-esteem. Confusing?

I'm not saying that low self-esteem among young 'uns doesn't exist, I'm simply saying that I don't think it is as widespread as people claim it to be. I used to think I had low self-esteem, but that wasn't the case. It was actually more a case of damaged pride because of years of childhood bullying because I was always a fatty. However, I then realised that I esteemed myself highly enough to be offended by the comments as a child. Nowadays I couldn't give a rat's arse about my self-image most of the time and I make fun of myself constantly. Self-deprecation being a form of pride, let's say I'm over the whole low self-esteem business.

So what to do if you think you have low self-esteem? How can you tell if you have it at all? If people's comments at your expense get to you, then you don't. Simple as that. If you had little or no self-esteem, why would you care what other people say about you? It wouldn't hurt you at all because you wouldn't have invested any care in yourself. If you do actually have low self-esteem, my only advice is to surround yourself with positive people that make you feel good. You won't start to feel good about yourself instantly, but feeling good for periods of time will eventually make you feel good about yourself also. Positivity spreads, you see. Like butter. Maybe.

Until then, smile. Even if it's forced, just smile. You will notice that if you receive even the faintest smile back, you'll already feel a little bit happier. Plus you'll be making other people happy too. How nice.

Good morning, the interwebz

[The comments section is under this P.S.]

Breakups

The arsehole of relationships. The point at which the whole thing cocks up so badly that you just can't do it any longer.

I've had my fair share of infatuation gone wrong, even love turned sour at a couple of points. There was a time when I was jumping from one companionship to another, some more strong than others, and in the end it backfired and I fell into the most stereotypical crock of crap that one can write in a romance novel about the womaniser turned overly sensitive and jealous.

The thing is that breakups happen and even if it feels like one can never love again and it hurts so badly etc etc, you will get over it. Unless you are already depressive by nature and would end up offing yourself in a ditch somewhere, you'll grow from the experience.

That being said, I still don't think that people should stop pouring all their energy and passion into relationships. Go for it, fall head over heels in love and never give up hope that you have something wonderful for life because, in a way, even if it doesn't last, you will still have something wonderful for life. It is the good memories which will follow a healthy relationship that will always stay with you. Unfortunately so will the regret from a stupid one, but that's the risk that you should be willing to take.

On that note, live for life and love unconditionally.

Good afternoon, the interwebz

Success

I don't want to write about Marriage, Self-Esteem or Breakups so I'll write a mediocre at best post about arguably the most boring suggestion -no offence to the person who suggested it- Success. Oh and before I start, can the people suggesting things as "Anon" please put a name or anything that I can refer to since I actually like talking to people, not anonymous speakers. You all have an identity, use it.

So let's start by splitting success into two separate sub-genres. Monetary success and social success. Professional success is usually aimed at the former, however one cannot have proper money if they are not well-known so one can easily conclude that the two are very strongly related.

The problem with success in itself, whether monetary or social, is that the greedy nature of man will make them hungry for it. A successful man will always strive for even more success. this is not a bad thing by any means until it is taken over by the greed and the whole "end justifies the means" mentality crops up. I come from a family of intellectuals and professionals in many fields like law, medicine, business, etc. Some of them work for the joy of the work and success simply follows because they are good at what they do; others are money-hungry pricks.

This is the reason why most people say that you can either have a professional life or a social life. Work can take over every aspect of your life and if you aren't careful, it will very easily. The other vice is when your social life itself becomes dependent on your work life. Your friends are all workmates or competitors in the same field which are trying to beat you at something anyway. One must find a careful balance.

What do I know about success though? I have just recovered from my lull in school productivity after about 7 years of failing constantly. That's not what I would call success, that's just a personal victory. Yay me.

I could go into the ethical issues about success and whatnot, but I would just bore you to shit and you don't want that. That's what you get when you ask a 19 year old to write about success.

Good morning, the interwebz.

Jealousy/Envy

The two most human of traits that are different yet work together to make someone an arsehole. I've actually often explained these two to my students so this is going to be fun for me. Sort of like a revision of sorts.

Envy isn't really that bad within itself. It just makes you want what you don't have when others have it instead. I think a little envy isn't so bad. It makes you strive to be better, even if for the wrong reasons. Say you get a 55 in an important exam and that dick you can't stand gets an 80, you will be envious of his mark and hopefully try hard to actually get better. That is a very simplistic and student-induced example. The negative side of this is pretty much what Steve Jobs was going for. He makes people buy pretty things that cost money, and then other people see them and realise that they don't have them. They get envious and they buy the same and better all in the name of envy. Capitalism pretty much thrives on this so-called "deadly sin".

Jealousy is the bad one. It's the destructive one. The one that rears its head in many relationships and ends up crushing most. The one that we have to warn our kids about. Geddit? Jealousy is inherently not having something yourself so you destroy anyone else's. Let me explain. Imagine I have a better phone than you and you get jealous. You won't give a shit about having it yourself, you just don't want me to have it any more. Quite a little bitch this one. In a relationship it takes on a whole new meaning with its bared, gnashing teeth and animalistic growling. Let's say a jealous girlfriend sees her boyfriend talking to the attractive girl she hates because she's already envious of her (but more on the fusion of them later). She will act in such a way that will make the boyfriend regret and want to forget the friendship with the former girl. Jealous guys are worse, however. Jealous guys can and will resort to violence. I know because at one point I was warped into a jealous cunt and I had actually resorted to threats and violence at points before I realised what I was doing and thankfully ended the whole nonsensical fiasco.

How do they go hand in hand? Easy. Envy will feed jealousy or vice versa according to circumstance. Imagine the boy/girl scenario again. The girlfriend has always looked at a particular other girl and wanted what she had. Maybe nicer tits, maybe a tighter arse, you name it and a girl's insecurities will have picked up on it already. If the poor boyfriend is even seen near the enviable girl, his testes are in proper danger. The girlfriend's envy will fuel the worse kind of jealousy.

What I have realised through my few years of life and experience is that girls are probably more riddled with envy while guys are very prone to jealousy. It is no secret that most women suffer from low self-esteem and image issues so it takes no genius to make the obvious link. Men, on the other hand, are proud and full of that hideous thing commonly referred to as machismo. They don't care about wanting what the others have, they just want to be top dog. They will destroy anyone and anything in their path, if needs be. Girlfriend getting attention from another guy? Regardless of whether they are good-looking or ugly as hell, they will want to kill him.

This post is riddled with stereotypical assumptions and sweeping statements, of course. I could be all wrong about them, but I don't think I am. Stereotypes have to come from somewhere right?

Good morning, the interwebz

[oh and cheers for the comments and suggestions, keep them coming.]

"Loneliness" - Anon

Speaking as someone who knows what it means to be lonely, I can honestly say that most cases of loneliness are down to misunderstanding or stubbornness. Real loneliness is a result of someone's reluctance to realise that they can always ask for help, or their pride disallowing them from asking.

Personally I fall under the latter. Unless someone is literally locked in a room completely cut off from the world, there is nothing and nobody but themselves perpetuating the loneliness many claim to be feeling. The simple fact that we can tell someone that we are feeling lonely is already better than someone who is actually lonely. You know what I think is real loneliness? A little boy who is waiting for death in a hut in a war-stricken village in the 3rd world. That is the real loneliness, when we have nobody at all to turn to. That is my one true fear; ending up like that. Oh and moths. I hate moths.

Most people at one point or another feel "lonely" but, in reality, it's really their pride that keeps them that way. It is through my personal experience that I can confidently say there is always someone willing to listen. Even complete strangers will be willing to listen if they see that you are totally in need of company. Humans have something called compassion. Granted not all people show it, but it is within our nature to want to nurture and feel important. How much more important can one person feel than when he helps someone in need? I understand that I might have a warped view of humanity to most people of the general public, but I like to consider myself a realist. I have been fortunate in life to have been the one in need and to have helped many others in need myself.

One must also notice that there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I enjoy being alone a lot, it gives me time to think. I have done most of my personal growth though self-reflection and that can never be done with anyone else. Sometimes someone needs to be alone just to have no distractions. However I know that I am also fortunate enough to be able to speak to people at any point. I have many friends that I know will listen if I want to talk. I also have a brilliant partner who I know I can trust and is always ready and insistent on helping, just as I am ready and insistent on protecting her. I am at a point in life where, despite my many snags, I am happy. My whole "lonely" point in life has been reduced to me realising I was just too fucking proud to ask for help.

I don't mean to be particularly harsh, but people need to get over themselves and just ask for help sometimes. Others it is healthy to be alone and they just need to learn to take care of themselves as well. When it comes to loneliness itself, those are the two main fronts from which one must address it. Self-reflection and a solid friendship with at least one person. Tough love is something I do.

Good afternoon, the interwebz.

[By the way, I am grateful to Anon for all the suggestions but I would like it if anyone else tried too. Keep them coming and so will I ... That sounds wrong.]

“The First Time” – Anon (I see a pattern emerging)

I knew someone would ask me to write about this, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. For my second request post to be about my first time really says a lot about my audience. Curious, prying fuckers the lot of you!

So I’ll get right into it and say that my first time was exciting, but at the same time it finished quickly and wasn’t really that good on the whole. It was a lot of fumbling around and trying to figure out what the fuck I was doing but it was ok because I wasn’t alone. I took solace in the knowledge that I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t done it before. Companionship and closeness were the main reasons for it at all in the end. I would have never had the confidence if we weren’t that close already.

It wasn’t just the first time that was a little bit of a cock up, but it was the first few at least. I can compare every time I embarked on the process in the beginning to an Eminem song. “Palms are sweaty. Knees weak, arms are heavy. There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti.” Ok maybe not so drastic, but nerves pretty much occupied my entire body the entire time. Fear of judgement and disapproval reigned.

There was a lot of closeness involved and we were thinking about keeping it completely private but people found out about it relatively quickly. It ended up being the talk of the school and some were even saying that we were trying too hard and we were just doing it to show off. That we had no real reason to do it and we were being idiots about it. We disagreed.

We loved it. We did it often and I’m glad to say that now the experiences I had back then have served me very well. I do feel that I’ve gotten a lot better at it and the sheer amount of compliments and attention I get regularly are proof of that. I feel honoured that I could share it with so many people over the few years that I’ve been active and I don’t intend to stop doing it any time soon.

Ah yes, I do look back with many fond memories at my first blog. Wait ... What did you think I was writing about? What!? Get your minds out of the gutter! You didn’t really think I was going to talk about my sex life, did you?

Until next time, the interwebz.

[Again comment and give suggestions]

"Parents" - Anon

So the first suggestion I got was simply that one in the title. Might I compliment Mr/Mrs Anon for their elaborate nature. May you write many a novel.

Now this is a touchy subject for many. Parents could make your life a supposed living hell. Most teenagers end up wanting to kill themselves or their parents -hyperbolically speaking- simply because they are trying to pull away into independence while their parents are trying desperately to adjust to the hormones. When I was a teenager I would often voice my frustrations by telling my peers that my parents did not want the best for me, they wanted the best according to what they wrongly assume was the best. I understand now that I was a huge brat at points and I deserved most of what I got anyway. When the child tries to pull away, the natural maternal and/or paternal instinct will tell them to pull as hard as possible to keep the child from getting away, and I'm sure all will agree that they have plenty of practical examples of this phenomenon in their lives..

I am not a parent myself, but I can imagine what it's like for a parent to see their child, a person that they have raised, try to get away from them. They will say things like, "It feels like it was only yesterday that I could hold you in one hand!" as they see the brat walking 50 feet in front or behind them. They feel cheated because they did spend a large chunk of their lives devoted simply to keeping you alive and healthy, for the most part. This is, of course, assuming that they are good parents. There is no worse feeling for a child then to realise later on in his life that he has shit parents. Up until the age of 10 it is difficult for them to comprehend that their parents do anything wrong, let alone raised them badly. This is where childhood nightmares and trauma comes in. A recurring nightmare is a sign of persistent stress and where could the child be getting such stress if not at school? Their family but most notably their parents.

To a young child, parents signify who they must emulate. They are the people that the child wants to please in every way. There is nothing better than a "Well done!" or an "I'm proud of you!" in the eyes of any offspring, not just children. Unfortunately I think that most parents probably do not focus on what's right and tend to obsess on what's wrong and what needs to change. The problem with this is that the younger generation might start to feel like they are inadequate. One might say that I'm being overly sensitive, but am I? Really? Children are always listening. They are always attentive. They absorb everything. Proof of this is how a 7 year old English boy can come to Malta to visit relatives for a week and go back home knowing significantly more than a handful of Maltese words and phrases. If a child sees his parents fighting, they will absorb negativity. If the parents are happy, the child will be happy. The feelings that any person will absorb in childhood will be carried on throughout their life whether subconsciously or otherwise.

Do me a favour and if anyone here is a parent or is tempted to become one, please be careful how you act. I'm not saying that parents have to cater to their child's every whim, I'm saying that sometimes parents tend to forget just how much of an influence they have on the children themselves.

I hope that this post satisfied whoever asked me for it. If you want to ask specific questions and whatnot, I will gladly answer them either in a comment if they are simple or in a further post if I think they deserve elaboration.

Feel free to comment and suggest anything, the interwebz. Good afternoon.

HELLO!

I do not want to sound like a stereotypical blogger who is self-obsessed and loves attention -as true as that may be- however, I would love it if you leave me some feedback. I would love to see some comments on posts and I will reply to all of them.

I would also like you to give me some ideas to help write further posts, providing you like to read what I write. It would help me gather inspiration and drive me to write more and it will also give you some pleasant giggles along the way as I pound on this jizz-stained keyboard. Yes, I made a sperm joke. Judge me.

The whole point of this short post is to reach out so imagine a proverbial hand-shake in the form of this post.

I look forward to hearing from you, the interwebz.

[The only reason why I'm even asking for this is because this last week 3 people, 2 of which I didn't even know read my blog, commented on how they're enjoying the new frequency of my posts. I'd like to keep it up.]

Something Ms Monroe said about not handling you at your worst, therefore not deserving you at your best.

I don't think I've ever written about the subject of relationships properly for two main reasons. The first being it's an overused topic and the second, I tried to post a video about it once and it turned into a subject of ridicule. However, in light of recent events, bear with me while I write.

I will spare you all the personal details because I know the real readers of this blog just read it for the occasional jokes. Bottom line: relationships are difficult. WOAH! Yes, they are difficult to engage in, they are even more difficult to maintain. It takes a lot of time, patience, effort and careful planning to have a real relationship and, unfortunately, I'm lacking in all of those qualities. The one thing I have that I like to think I exude in most things I do, let alone relationships and friendships in general, is passion. I live for love and I don't intend to change that.

You will find that once you embark on a proper serious relationship you will sail past the honeymoon stage before you know it and when the 4 month mark hits, you will have your first series of proper arguments based on things you've noticed in the honeymoon period that piss you off. If you make it through the first series of fights, well done, you're on to the next stage. You can enjoy a buffer period of about a month and a half between the next series of fights.

About 6 months into a relationship the deeper fights start that are disagreements about your personality or other deeper issues. Most relationships can't get past this because people in general are disinclined to compromise when it comes to their own conventions of character. If you make it past these few weeks of heavy arguments, well done. You've now made it further than most relationships and you start to feel like you can't really live without your partner.

At this point you can enjoy a couple months of plain sailing before the real bad shit starts. At a point between 8 months and 1 year you will have the worst arguments you've had so far. The ones that completely define the relationship itself. At this point you and your partner will have started to depend on each other to the point where you actually need each other. If you break up at this point or later, good luck coping. I know I would probably be driven insane.

What I'm trying to say is that nobody should take relationships lightly and if you do, good luck keeping one. I used to take them lightly which led to a series of mistakes and failed unities. I count myself very fortunate that I do have a relationship at all, let alone the fact that I feel fully invested in it, even if it feels like an uphill struggle in a hurricane with no legs and a rusty wheelchair at points.

In the end, it wouldn't really be worth it if it was that easy after over a year. What really makes it worthwhile is that we're still here after all the shit, even if marginally at points. My relationship itself did not really conform to any of the stereotypical timelines, but I did say that I was going to spare the personal details.

I love you and I'm sorry for all I've put you through.

Good morning, the interwebz.

My nipples can ... what?

So it seems that frigid times have finally hit my humble island. Well, I hope they have. If you don't know how the weather here is then the word to describe it is 'erratic'. I've had students who complained to me telling me that they don't mind if their little holiday to our supposedly sunny island is ruined by a tempest, they just really want to know when the hell the sun and the rain are coming.

I'm beginning to think I am odd. To those who know me, this might strike you as a "well, no shit" moment, but the main reason I'm saying this is because while everyone on campus seems to be hugging themselves in an attempt to keep warm within their layers upon layers of clothing; I'm quite comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. It's not that I don't feel the cold, it's just that I really don't mind it. I might be some kind of superhero! Well it's either that or my mother did hard drugs while I was in the womb.

Today marks a day of firsts. My first full week of lectures at Uni; the first time I took my laptop to Uni; the first time people at Uni start whispering about how I must be a vampire due to my apparent immunity to temperature and my lack of reflection in mirrored surfaces. Bottom line, I'm at University.

No philosophical ending again. Instead I'll leave you with two concluding remarks:

1) Do not try to update your Microsoft Office for free when you are not particularly computer savvy. Your laptop will crash spectacularly and you will spend a couple of hours fixing it. In the end, you will have to restore your laptop and lose the new Office anyway. Idiot.

2) My nipples could cut glass.

Much love, interwebz.

How I write through writer's block.

How do writers who are writing on commission with deadlines and timetables to cater to actually manage to write constantly? I think most of their talent isn't actually focussed on the writing itself, but rather the ability to gather inspiration from anything. Especially when faced with the least inspiring of conditions and situations possible.

I am currently alone in a tiny classroom where I have been for the last hour waiting for my student to arrive. I can almost assume that he is never showing up for school again but seeing as he hasn't actually told the school that and he has actually paid for this week, I am currently still on the roster for this week. I will therefore wait for him here for a few more minutes before going downstairs to inform the office that he has not shown up, then I will take a massive crap. The kind of crap that will make all other craps think, "Holy crap!"

Has inspiration really reached the bottom of the barrel when I start to make jokes based entirely on the subject of talking excrement? I really want to try and work on writing regularly for the main reason that I would love to have a proper semi-professional blog and/or column in some magazine or newspaper, but at the rate my inspiration tends to go, I will never keep to the deadlines. I'll also have one good article to 4 shit ones.

Does writing through writers' block make for good writing or does it look like I'm struggling? As I type, I have also realised as that, when I'm trying to write through the block, I tend to go back and delete and edit things I'm typing. When I'm inspired to write, I never do that. Usually I just start writing and then see where it leads me. If you notice, in my regular posts, I start writing about something irreverent that will then lead to a serious point in the conclusion. I don't foresee this happening now, but who knows? Maybe I will turn into a pocket Socrates by the end of it.

...

Nope. No philosophy. Sometimes I just set you up for disappointment.

Good afternoon, interwebz. xx

[What really happened was I was told I was pretty much waiting for nothing and I went to help out in the office just before I published this. Nice timing, Roberta. Oh and I shat at home. It was good.]

Is there a writer in the house?

I recently watched the first two episodes of the series which really inspired me to write in my own style a year or so ago, needless to say, I'm back here trying to write again. The series is Californication and the whole story is just one big mix of sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll and a whole lot of drama. Somewhere along the lines there is also a lot of hilarious comedy and I applaud the writer(s?) for managing to work it all in there.

I remember watching it all for the first time and thinking, "Oh Christ!" The storyline is just so complex that they must have been on drugs while writing about this man who has this complex life while himself on a mix on narcotics. David Duchovny has also come a bloody long way from his X Files days. The intensity that the actor (whose previous big job had it in the contract that he had to know how to portray absolutely no emotion) manages to show while acting drunk, high, sex-crazed, broken-hearted, etc ... is just incredible. He is an out of work writer, go figure; his love life is completely incomprehensible; and his daughter is a carbon copy of the dysfunction that his relationship with her mother fiercely exudes.

The first time I saw it, had I not been in the midst of a fast blooming relationship, I would have probably related to his character to the point of following his footsteps. Especially since he ends up trying his hand at lecturing, which is what I ultimately see myself doing. Not to mention writing which I also want to dabble in as a semi-profession. Had it not been for the wife, I'd be in my own world fuelled by alcohol, drugs and sex. Or rather, I'd be consuming copious amounts of alcohol while trying not to OD all the while looking for sex. Oh yes, he also smokes all the time.

In the end, the part of his character which I really relate to is that fact that even when everything seems to point towards him being a soulless husk of a man, he still means well. He is an idiot and a complete child, of course, but who isn't in this day and age? I know that some of the best people on our lovely yet dying planet are either insane or incarcerated as we speak. It is a pity that the real murderer of society isn't lack of control, as all the people in control want us to think, it is in fact the suppression of talent and creativity. It is true that there are many people who think they are talented who just make you cringe, but in the end the brilliant people have all made many people cringe before they were recognised as geniuses.

On that note and before I start on a rant that will last forever,

Good afternoon the interwebz

"... Oh and you're fat."

If a person admits to being a hypocrite; does it mean that they are genuinely accepting the fact that they are flawed, or are they simply unapologetic about the fact that they are? I am the first person to tell everyone to relax but, at the same time, I'm also the first person to admit that I tend to be overwhelmed by my own thoughts.

It's not life's pressure that phases me -in fact I think I work better under pressure- it's the fact that the second I realise I'm happy, my brain tells me that I'm about to fuck up. Is it overly poetic for the person always trying to tell people to lighten up and who always tries to have a smile on his face to be constantly on edge? It's not like anyone is really judging me, or if they are, it's not like their judgement actually affects me in any way, shape or form. I am my harshest judge and I can never let my own judgement go.

Earlier today I just let my mind wander for a while and at a point I just sort of lost half an hour of my life. Am I so afraid of what I have in store for myself, that I can't physically handle my own opinions and thus have to shut my own mind down? I don't remember falling asleep or waking up, just a blank spot in time that went from staring to a wall to seeing my mother hovering above me mid-sentence about how she'd been calling me for a while.

Now all I have is a vague memory of what I might have been thinking of before I blacked out and some traditional Turkish music. Oh and don't give me shit about not updating, I know I haven't. Trust me I've been beating myself up about it. One of my many nagging thoughts is, "Update your blog, you slacker. What kind of a commitment is this? You promise that you're going to update it but where are the updates? Oh and you're fat."

Good night the interwebz.

Twelfth Night?

Being busy does suit me very well as long as it requires no real particular effort on my part. Playing guitar for long periods of time may be considered work to some, but it's a pleasure for me - that is, when I don't have to actually do it forcefully. Unfortunately, getting paid to play guitar does just that.

I am being paid quite handsomely to play 4 songs for a production of a play by some relatively unheard of playwright by the name of William Shakespeare. Ordinarily, this wouldn't bother me, but this week is the infamous "Tech Week" and that means that it might border on bothering me after all. I will show up for rehearsals with varying degrees of punctuality and play my heart out every time, or shall I? What with the worst sunburn I've had in years and a guitar strap digging into the very same shoulders that look like they've been left on the grill for too long, I might be disinclined to enjoy this week as much as I'd want to.

Fortunately for me, every single person who is involved with this play (including special mention of the director, Dave Barton) is awesome. They are all a joy to share this torturous week with and, to be honest, most of them have it a lot worse than me. I wouldn't be able to remember lines for shit, let alone know what half the stage directions actually mean. It is an honour to be working with such awe-inspiring people ... I just hope the heat and general discomfort don't dampen the wonderful experience.

I find it amusing that the 12th night I shall be spending in these people's company will indeed be the first performance night. Coincidence? Most probably. Does that make it any less awesome? No.

Good Afternoon,

The Interwebz

P.S. - Do humour this Shakespeare fellow and come see his play, I'm sure he'd be delighted, whoever he is.

"It's June? Fuck!"

"Time flies when you're having fun." That's not true. Time flies when you're busy. Time flies when you have things to occupy your mind with that will distract you from the very passage of time itself.

This stroke of genius may not be the new theory of relativity, but it's something I've been brooding on for about seven hours and forty-two minutes. In April I posted a blog about how I will probably write a lot more because exams are hardly the bestest, but time metaphorically flew - time literally flying would mean that time is actually made of some form of matter; which is silly.

I need to keep myself busy to not be self-destructive; it's part of my charm. The thing is, I'm not really that into the whole "student" thing, so studying properly is pretty much an alien concept to me. Thankfully, I have a very supportive (and by "supportive" I mean "moderately abusive") girlfriend. My whole study regime, if you can even call it that, consisted of cramming as much reading of my girlfriend and her sister's notes in the last 24 hours before the exam as possible. The only notes I had were from my private lessons which were pedantic and unreliable at best.

I've gone off-topic. My original point was the time doesn't just go by quicker when you're having fun or whatever, it only seems to go by faster because our mind is busy. We don't notice that time is indeed passing by at the usual rate. A fucking month just disappeared from me in the most harrowing way. If I were a control freak with mild OCD, I might go into shock at the mere realisation. Luckily, I'm not.

On that bomb-shell,

Good afternoon, the interwebz.

[I actually did quite brilliantly in my exams regardless of my lacking studying capabilities. Yay me.]

You cut your hair!?! (and other subjects)

Yes. I cut my hair.

It's been over a month now, yet people who knew of my glorious curls are still acting incredulously when faced with this harsh reality. People have asked me how it feels now, I believe I've finally managed to sum it up this afternoon by referring to it as a sort of "second circumcision". Granted the analogy didn't quite make it's point because the person I was directing it at was a young woman; but it's validity stands true nonetheless.

I can't pretend that I really want to speak about my hair. This post is really about feeling ashamed that I have let my blog go. I could go on trying to justify why I did and apologising to all 4 of my readers, but I doubt they're fucked and it's a good thing too, because neither am I.

My exams start on Saturday and preparation isn't one of my strong points. In fact, the only thing weaker than my ability to prepare is my ability to fly unaided by modern technology. I'm sure I'll be able to figure shit out as I go along though, I tend to do that. I'm also sure that I'll be updating my blog every now and then during the exams due to an overflow of frustration; which, last time I checked, was the main fuel behind most of these posts.

Until then you can look forward to the same nothing you've been seeing during February, March and most of April. OH! Speaking of April, I turned 19 on the 9th. Yay me.

Anyway!

Good night the interwebz.

Verbal Taboos

[My just posted blog has reminded me that I have an essay I'd like to share. It's about swearing. I know how you young people are into that sort of thing.]

Verbal Taboos

After years and years of browsing and, to a certain extent, studying comedy, particularly British and Irish comedy, I've been exposed to quite an amount of these so-called 'verbal taboos'. I'm going to split them into three main categories: blasphemy, obscenity, and double entendre.

Blasphemy by definition is either "the act of insulting or showing contempt or lack of reverence for God" or "the act of claiming the attributes of deity". Considering the increasing godlessness of the world, however, this is becoming less of a problem. Of course, the extremist Muslim population and the extreme Christian populations in Republican America still punish it very drastically; sometimes even with fatal results. I feel justified in mentioning these two exclusive groups of religious fanatics because of events which, despite all the claimed progress of our world, amazingly, show that these breeches of freedom of speech are a regular occurrence. It is impossible to broadcast any image of Muhammed without some sort of global controversy, the worst of all ending in mass murder. Anything from a mention of a joke on a satirical American cartoon to an innocent drawing on a Danish newspaper. Jihad is the buzzword of the times and prejudice against anyone who looks remotely Muslim is now taken for granted. On the other side of the spectrum, can anyone watch the atrocity that is 'Jesus Camp' and not feel like your own personal Jihad? My point is that blasphemy is only a real taboo to very religious people and, luckily, only punished in the aforementioned communities. In Malta, we relish blasphemy. It is everyone's favourite pastime, so much so that this generation doesn't take it seriously any more. The older ones who might consider themselves religious might frown upon us, but they're the ones who passed it down to us anyway. What our generation does swear by, however, is obscenity.

My God do we enjoy it! I can't imagine any part of the anatomy which hasn't turned into a perverse expression of frustration. Anything from mentioning appendages and orifices and what they're explicitly used for. In English, Scottish and Irish comedy, obscenity in itself is only limited to a handful of particular words. When coupled with a few real social taboos though, they effectively delve into the dark confines of the obscene. Topics like death, necrophilia, bestiality, abortion, pedophilia; nothing is safe from the obscene. A joke which got one of my favourite comedians into serious trouble was about disability and national heroes. Jimmy Carr said, "The number of soldiers coming back from Iraq with missing limbs is just appalling ... At least we're going to have a bloody brilliant Paralympic team in 2012." He said this during his comedy tour and was a subject of national controversy to the point of being kicked off his BBC contract. My problem with this is that he said it during his show which is known to be very dark, why would anyone pay to go and then complain? He has also spent months volunteering at military hospitals and the soldiers themselves laughed heartily at his jokes at their expense. Another memorable joke that bridges the gap between patriotism, obscenity and double entendre is by Frankie Boyle. He made fun of an Olympic gold medal winning swimmer by saying that she is "so ugly she looks like someone's reflection in the back of a spoon. At least she can hold her breath for a long time."

Which brings me to my last topic: 'double entendre'. What Boyle did at the end of the joke is point out something that would be literally obvious. She's an Olympic swimmer, therefore she is able to hold her breath. This way, seemingly innocent words and phrases can have double connotations, usually perverted ones. He was making the implication that she makes up for being less than physically attractive by performing brilliantly when it comes to oral sex. Of course, not all double entendre is so complex. It can be as simple as referring to your testicles as balls, nuts, plums, man-muffin, potato bag, sperm bank, Shetland ponies, hot wheels, grapefruits, boys, and many others. Some can even refer to their genitals affectionately by name, common male names including 'Peter' and 'John'. the penis name 'John' is responsible for condoms also being called 'Johnnies'. Generally, double entendre can be seen as a taboo version of euphemism. While euphemism can be innocent and even used to cover up a harsher truth, such as saying someone's 'passed on' instead of 'died'; double entendre has no greater purpose. It is there to be perverse and to make perverts laugh. It has no saving grace. It is the scum of all word play.

From now on, while speaking, we should all take into consideration that anyone with a dirty mind might confuse you for a fellow pervert. Be careful when mentioning potato sacks and mayonnaise; do not make any Jesus or Muhammed jokes anywhere, just to be safe; and definitely stay away from anyone's genitals.

[I wonder how penalised I'm going to be for this one.]

Facebook?

I've deactivated my Facebook account.

It's sad that, in today's world, Facebook almost dictates how most of us live our life. I know that most of the readers will say, "Not me!", but think about it. Something happens, you write a status about it. Any memorable event probably has pictures which you will inadvertently be tagged in if not post them yourself. Videos? Ditto. Have anything on your mind? Why not write a note about it and post it on Facebook? (Anyone see the irony in that last one?)

At which point has our virtual existence ceased to be virtual enough that we have replaced our lives and friends with hours upon hours of this mindless, usually malfunctioning social-networking site and its so-called "friends". I've seen profiles of people with over 2000 friends. Honestly? 2000 people you call friends? How healthy and safe is that when you have no idea who half of them are? When this point is raised, people tend to say "Well that's what privacy settings are for!" What's the point of having 2000 friends of they can't see anything in your profile? Kind of defeats the purpose of being "social", as the new meaning of the word implies.

Whatever happened to real society, as opposed to a virtual one? Why is it so much easier to interact with someone over the internet? Because we aren't afraid of judgement. We can easily block and delete someone from a website but we can never really delete someone from our lives. We feel brave when we're sitting behind a computer screen. Bravery which is inspired by, if not anonymity, distance.

Why did I just deactivate my Facebook profile? I realised I didn't need it. I meet my friends, even if sporadically. I know who they are. I know who I'm in a relationship with and I know when I'm single. I know what I'm thinking and if I wanted to tell someone about it, I could go on Skype and do it, I can call them, I can text them and ... wonder of wonders, I can actually ... meet them? WOAH! Interaction? In person! Can I really handle that?

This is the 4th time I've deactivated my account and I have one hell of an addictive personality. I wonder how long I'll last this time.

Good evening, the interwebz.

[Update: I noticed that I knew many people from all over Europe and have a few very close people to me living abroad whom I only contact through Facebook. My lovely revolution was fucked within 4 days. Damn me and my need for closeness!]

"Christmas has lost its true meaning."

[Oh look, another essay.]

"Christmas has lost its true meaning." Discuss.

Where has the deeply religious aspect of Christmas gone? How has it been almost entirely replace by a fat hairy man who single-handedly represents capitalism?

Christmas as a feast is meant to celebrate the birth of Jesus, or Christ. The day itself was actually chosen to be the 25th of December by Pope Julius I in 336 AD. The reason most probably being that it is nine months after the feast of the Annunciation; in which Christianity celebrated the news that was given to Mary by the archangel Gabriel. According to the best information and research done however, Jesus' real birthday was found to be the 14th May in 6 BC. How many members of the general public know any of this as the reason why they all look forward to the season?

My point is that people have no idea what the day really means, let alone what they're actually celebrating. They are all preoccupied with frantically looking for gifts and how to decorate their house to compete with their neighbours' without sparing half a thought to purchase and decorate some sort of crib. You can forget charity if it's not to do with "Istrina" in Malta. I am not in any was criticising Catholicism and its faith, I am, however, criticising and wholly blaming the self-proclaimed "practising" Catholics who conveniently forget their faith on the second most important day to it.

What of Christmas' real world-wide mascot? Here's a little history about the symbol replacing Christ with materialism. Christmas was first personified as "lord Sire Christemas" in an English carol which was found as an anonymous manuscript dating back to 1458 AD. Another carol of the same era which is attributed to Richard Smert also uses the same name to personify the feast. The large, jolly man as we know him today in his red and white garments was actually created by a German-born American caricaturist. His name is Thomas Nast and until his drawing in 1863, Santa was depicted as a long, thin man, usually in green. So can we say that the world has chosen this cartoon figure over Jesus? Considering all the legends and myths surrounding the persona, I say yes. He seems to be some sort of incentive for children to be good lest they want to get coal for Christmas.

I do half expect Christmas to be, if not done away with entirely, very heavily modified in about a century. Perhaps the story of Christ will also be dismissed as just another children's story, just like the fat, bearded man. Perhaps I should also start referring to the day as Xmas, that is the politically correct way nowadays anyway.

[Just in case you wanted a column-esque history lesson about Christmas.]